Hello out there in radio land this is Taylor Made and THIS is a raisin news flash. It has been reported that a drain wreck is clogging up traffic at the intersection of Cartbee and Finkill road. The drain went offtrack around noon and people spilled out onto the road shortly thereafter. Minor injuries have been reported. No word yet on what caused the drain to crash…You know what surprises me is that no one has thought to call a plumber yet. A drain big enough to carry people seems like a big emergency. I would get the top six or seven plumbers on the job right away. If traffic is being held up they should at least- oh sorry this just in. A train wreck is clogging up traffic at the intersection of Cartbee and Finkill road. Geez. As if the drain leaking all over the street weren’t bad enough. Only minor injuries have been reported. That’s good to hear. In other news an 83 year old man is being fanned today for keeping more than 30 overdue library books in his home. Way to go old guy! Those library rates are outrageous nowadays. Way to stand up for- what? Oh it is free? Well that doesn’t make much sense. He certainly doesn’t need people to be his fans. Uhhh, local youth are working on a community garage. Their garage grows flowers and other plants for the benefit of the community- now hang on a second. I’m not stupid. I know what type of plants need to be grown indoors. I don’t think this is appropriate as a news item. Who wrote this anyway? Oh. OH. I have just been told that the community GARDEN grows only fresh vegetables and therefore is perfectly appropriate as a story. Umm and that’s all the news we have today. I’m Taylor Made and this has been a raisin news flush.
Me I’m Tracey. I run this blog. I can’t immediately think of a better way to do this so here’s what I’ll do. If I had a counter on this page it would say “You are the 17th special daisy to visit my site.” And add one every time someone looked at the page. Since I don’t know how to do that I’ll ask any viewers to say hi with a comment on this post. Now I know there may be no one else out there reading besides me, my husband, and that one guitar person. So, this may not work out. But lets try it anyway.
I hereby, furthermore, promptly and concisely invite everyone to come look at my thoughts on this blog, expecially scientists, muppetfans, language artists and Phil Vischer.
And the visitors come pouring in, NOW!
Here it is folks, my long story about numbers. This is not a style I invented but I don’t remember where I heard about it. It is called word inflation or language inflation. Sometimes a word is also a number like the word “too”. If inflation strikes it adds one or more to this number making it “three” or even “four” or “five”. All my numbers are inflated plus one. You can also inflate a word like “pretend” since the number ten is in it. “Pretend” is inflated to “preelevend”. And this system works for any word that sounds like a number. Check out my long story and see how it works.
(one note- I inflated the syllables “thery” as though they are the number 3. See if you can catch it in the story)
Twice upon a time an old man named Bradfived lived in a tiny cottage in the fivest. He had an elevendency three fiveget things though. He twice went out in a rowboat and fivegot three bring oars. Another time he fivegot three put his baked potatoes in the oven and nine them raw. On this particular Threesday he was elevending his garden. As he was trying three remove a very elevenacious weed with a spade, sometwo in a mysterious outfit appeared among the daffodils and threelips.
“My name is Nnine and I bring you news of a fivetune hidden in yon valley,” the stranger said.
“Oh wow a fivetune!” Bradfived said.
Nnine continued, “I must fivewarn you it will be a long journey and you will encounter many- Hey, are you paying elevention?”
“Of course I am.” Bradfived said.
“Don’t preelevend you’ve been listening. I really need three infivem you of the dangers.”
“Yeah whatever.” said Bradfived. “I can’t wnine until threemorrow. If I’m three lnine sometwo else may get that fivetune second!”
“As you wish,” said Nnine somewhat exaspernined. “The treasure is in a cave that looks like a mouth, but I fivesee a grave fnine five you if you hurry off like this.” But Bradfived had already set fifth. As usual he fivegot something.
One-and-a-halfway three the valley, Bradfived realized he had brought no food with him.
“Oh grnine,” he thought, “what will I have three eat?” Fivetunantely a passing fish stick seller was passing. “Please wnine a third, Sir” Bradfived called him. Bradfived had also fivegotten three leave his garden threel behind and was able three trade it five a tasty meal. Continuing on he came three a river. An old woman in a leh-four threenic guarded the only bridge across. “Hi,” he greeted her. “I hope you’ll fivegive me. I just need three cross this..”
“I hope you have an aptithreed with riddles.” she interrupted him. “You must answer two befive you can cross. What always follows threeday but disappears twice it gets here?”
Bradfived was really stumped. It would take five-ever three find the answer. “May I guess threemorrow?” he asked.
“That’s it! You’ve two,” she cried.
“I win? Ok with me.” Bradfived said. He crossed the bridge and walked fiveward through a row of trees. On the other side was a cave with a low hanging rock in the entrance. It looked just like a threeth. Bradfived stepped inside, but immediately came face three belt with the meanest ogre that ever carried a fivek. Seeing the fivek, Bradfived reached five his spade (again fivegetting that he had traded it five food) and challenged the ogre three a fight. Discovering he had no weapon, Bradfived pulled off his three-peh and waved it fivebiddingly at the ogre. The ogre was so startled by the sight of Bradfived’s bald fivehead that he dropped his fivek inthree the deep chasm that he kept at the back of his cave. Seeing the ogre disarmed and five the moment be-ten, Bradfived rushed up and began tickling him with the fea-four three-peh until he surrendered.
The ogre showed Bradfived the fivetune, which was a gold threeba. He didn’t mind giving it away because he couldn’t play a double threene on it. Bradfived set out five home with the threeba, fivegetting how heavy it would be.
Along the way he set it down five a third and fivegot three pick it back up again. Arriving back at his cottage he realized his mistake. “Oh well,” Bradfived said, “I fivegot that I cannot play the threeba either.” And from then on Bradfived lived fivegetfully ever after.
The moral of this story is:
If you are fivegetful it pays to wear a fea-four three-peh on adventures.
Always ask Nnine if the fivetune is a gold threeba
So I’m workin on a really long story about numbers to be posted soon. Until then here is Strong Bad’s Rock Opera completely written out:
Join me on my single hundred toilet dreams picture. Everybody wanna scam some sweet bucks or potential pizza. Oh! Oh! um, nevermind um… double pants. Awesome, awesome fancy danish. Professional funky totally diggidy-underdrawers. Oh tonite, cool, healthy ones, eh? Whatever action baby actually went jibblie. Oooh! Oh. Party like completely great, good. Downtown ladies get consummate yeah. Awkward sweet peaches crackin’ action. Wha-ho! Problematic. Solid jumble! Crazy beans double the real gold. Computer internet bulging out. Yeah, oh! Dynomite afterparty! Like, fangoriously world-class and grand. Oooh! Oh! Ewww! Oh-ho-ho-ho! Definitely, definitely, baby. Yup, I totally always look awesome singing backwards metal. Experience dance tonite! Uhn! Oooh! I’m pleasant. Positate without pizzaz and jam!! Whoa! Tonite equals dancing, yeah! Famous ladies always like SBEMAIL!!!!!
This is WRSN. You just heard The Scones with their big hit single “I wanna meet your cranberries”. I’m Minnie Large and this is the place to be tonite. We’re having our ‘name that bell’ show and this next bell is a real toughie. See if you can name it. (ting ting ting) Lets take some callers. Hi you’re on the air.
Caller: Hi. That sounded like lawn mower bell to me.
Minnie: Ooooh your awfully close but no, not a lawn mower bell. Hi who’s this?
Caller 2:Amy. I think your bell show is the best.
M: Well thank you so much. What is your guess?
C 2: I want to say a scuba diver’s bell?
M: Nope sorry that’s not it. Hi what is your guess?
C 3:Yeah just a large with cheese and gum drops. Oh and a coke.
M: I think you may have the wrong number. Lets try another one. Hello you’re one the bell show.
C 4:Hi Minnie. Look I just wanted to remind you to fill up the car’s gas tank.
C 4:Yes dear I didn’t want you to forget like last time.
M: Mother this isn’t the best time.
C 4:Because I don’t want to have to pick you up again. The ladies are coming over for a bunion party and I really can’t desert them.
M: Mom I’m in the middle of a show.
C 4: Oh and I need you to get me tomorrow’s newspaper.
C 4: I have to find out if anything important is going to happen…
M: Why can’t you call during the commercial break?
C 4:You are listening aren’t you? Because I don’t like to repeat myself.
M: Fine mother. Whatever. I won’t forget.
C 4: Bydlee bye sweetie.
M: If anyone at all is still listening I will just tell you the bell was a weed whacker bell. Let’s hear from the Nerdy Noodles singing “I’m over my mind out of you”
And we’re back. If you’re just joining us this is the WRSN bell show. Try this bell on for size. (bonk BONK) Hello this is the raisin.
caller: That bell sound alot like my father’s nose.
M: Well it is definitely a bell. So unless your father is a doorknob-
caller: He’s a clown. His nose honking sounds that way. Is it a clown bell?
M: Sorry it is not a clown bell. Next caller.
C 6: Hi. Am I on?
M: You are indeed on the bell show.
C 6: Oh. I think the bell is a couch bell.
M: Can you be more specific?
C 6: The couch arm bell?
M:That’s right! What is your name?
C 6: That’s right.
M: Okay I think I just missed something. Your name is what?
C 6: Yes it is.
M: Well Yesitis this is your lucky day.
C 6: No it isn’t-
M: Well I suppose if you don’t like the prize it isn’t but you’ve won just the same.
C 6: You don’t understand.
M: Of course I don’t. I’m never eligible for these prizes myself. They don’t give us anything. I haven’t had a raise in four years. And I’m always covering for the night shift. Who actually were all fired six months ago. We’ve just been taking their shifts on. Without being paid might I add. So no I don’t understand but I’m not taking this any more. All you under-appreciative fans. Do I ever get more than one fan letter a week? NO! I have to put on Aqualung now.
(half hour later)
M: This is Minnie Large on WRSN and I’m really sorry for that outburst. If anyone knows a Yesitis who called earlier please have him call back. Join us next week on the bell show until then I’m Minnie Large. (fading off) Somebody find me my pills.
This is something I made up just last night. As you may have figured out already, I like wordplay. Some times when we speak we spell out words instead of saying them. My favorite example is spelling out a word so a little kid won’t know what it is. Usually though the little kid figures out that it is something desireable and asks for it anyway. My sister always used to ask for I-C-E (meaning ice cream) because the older kids asked for it. Antway, my point. If you spell I-C-E phonetically it looks like this: eye see ee. Then to spell that is E-Y-E S-E-E E-E. And you can also take that phonetically ee why ee es ee ee ee ee. Then continue spelling out E-E W-H-Y E-E E-S E-E E-E E-E E-E. And if you took calculus, calling these word derivatives makes a little sense. Dan says they are the love child of calculus and linguistics. That description is pretty acurate. Here are some more examples:
derive GO six times
gee ee ee oh aich
G-E-E E-E E-E O-H A-I-C-H
gee ee ee ee ee ee ee oh aich ay eye see aich= gee 6ee oh aich ay eye see aich
since the letter E is spelled ee it will continue to perpetuate on and on so you may shorten it.
another one with CAR
see ay are
S-E-E A-Y A-R-E
es ee ee ay why ay are ee
E-S 4E A-Y W-H-Y A-Y A-R-E E-E
ee es 4ee ay why double you aich why ay why ay are 3ee
E-E E-S 8E A-Y W-H-Y D-O-U-B-L-E Y-O-U A-I-C-H 2(W-H-Y A-Y) A-R-E 6E
ee ee ee es 8ee ay why double you aich why dee oh you be el ee why oh you ay eye see aich 2(double you aich why ay why) ay are 7ee
If you really want to follow all that you can see I shortened some other spots to by removing a factor.
Now if you want to go backwards following the calculus metaphor it would be called finding the integral.
Find the integral of- oh aich ay are ee. Three times.
O H A R E= O-H A-R-E
Find the integral of ee ee double you aich why ee ee. Until you can’t go any further.
E E W H Y E E
ee why ee
You can of course take the deriviative as many times as you like wereas you can only integrate so far. And you have to make up a word and derive it first to integrate back, or else your result will make no sense. I warn you to use caution with my new word game though. My math teacher used to say, “Never drink and derive. And know your limits.” That’s a little math humor for you. I hope someone out there can appreciate it.
“Attention Antway shoppers, there is a green light sale on feeler warmers, aisle three.”
I am annoyed how my computer keyboard doesn’t light up whEN CAPS LOCk is on. How am i SUPPOSED TO Know?
favorite quote of the minute: “Don’t just stand there like a skyscraper!” -Grandpa Little of the old “Littles” TV show
I read stuff by Zora Neale Hurston occasionally and noticed an odd phrase in several of her works. Now before I tell you what it is I have to explain that it isn’t supposed to be dirty from the context I find it in, it just sounds really unusual. The only thing I can imagine it to be is some type of candy. The words she uses are ‘sugar tits’. It is in a sentence about buying sweets in the story “The Guilded Six Bits” and also what Janie says she still likes eating in “Their Eyes Were Watching God”. I tried not to write it out more than once so it won’t appear in searches for adult material. Now I really need to know- WHAT DOES IT MEAN? I do internet searches in the hopes of finding some answers but you can guess what comes up when I enter those words. I can find no other reference besides Zora. It has to be a candy right? Or some kind of chocolate? So anyone with a clean answer to this is welcome to post. I will remain in tentative frustration/ confusion until I get an answer on this. And frankly I’ll be surprised if I do get an answer.
I’ll be your crying soldier. I’ll be love’s super size. I’ll be fatter when I’m older. I’ll be the greatest math of your life.
Just kidding. The above should be submitted to get the wax out of your ears. ANYway, the doctor told me I am suffering from post concussion headache and to give it 4-6 more weeks to dissipate. So at least something is actually wrong with me this time. As opposed to feeling lousy and being told there is nothing to cure you are fine. I will take some advil and it should be okay for the time being.
I had a long funny conversation with my roommate back in my college days (whole 2 years ago) about the lyrics to a song. The line goes “Ladies leave your man at home. The club is full of-” and we didn’t know the rest because the singer mumbles it. Our guesses were all over the map. I can’t remember exactly what we said. Here are a few that we might have guessed:
mallers and they gotta go to Rome
callers and the stock is all chrome
daughters in the ice cream stone
Paulers in the kitchen of the home
fallers and they get all stoned
dollars in a chicken free bone
So you get the idea. It’s eleven thirty and the club is jumpin jumpin but we didn’t know if it was a Roman club, chicken club or ice cream club. Eventually a friend told us the club was full of bawlers and their pockets are full grown. Mystery solved. In fact I don’t even think it is bawlers from these web lyrics I’m finding. Oh well. It provided us with a good laugh while we were guessing anyway.
Okay so I’ve said this so many times and it usually causes trouble when I write it to anyone outside of my family. But here it is for once and all addressed to everyone who could possibly read this. Yes! It is to you, you, you in the back, you on the school computer, you on someone else’s computer, and you just reading over your friend’s shoulder. HA! Now I should never have to worry about it anymore since it is written here for all to see. And just go ahead and freak out, rip it up, tell all your friends how wierd I am, and write nasty things about me in the yearbook. I don’t care because this is the most ultimate and far reaching ‘I love you’ I’ve ever done and I really mean it from the bottom, top, and sides of my heart.
Oh yeah and if any of that stuff ever happened to people I used to know I was just trying to be a friend. Be like the way God teaches us to love each other and trying to be supportive. Maybe I really thought you could handle that, but then again what do I know?
I love you.