Here it is folks, my long story about numbers. This is not a style I invented but I don’t remember where I heard about it. It is called word inflation or language inflation. Sometimes a word is also a number like the word “too”. If inflation strikes it adds one or more to this number making it “three” or even “four” or “five”. All my numbers are inflated plus one. You can also inflate a word like “pretend” since the number ten is in it. “Pretend” is inflated to “preelevend”. And this system works for any word that sounds like a number. Check out my long story and see how it works.
(one note- I inflated the syllables “thery” as though they are the number 3. See if you can catch it in the story)
Twice upon a time an old man named Bradfived lived in a tiny cottage in the fivest. He had an elevendency three fiveget things though. He twice went out in a rowboat and fivegot three bring oars. Another time he fivegot three put his baked potatoes in the oven and nine them raw. On this particular Threesday he was elevending his garden. As he was trying three remove a very elevenacious weed with a spade, sometwo in a mysterious outfit appeared among the daffodils and threelips.
“My name is Nnine and I bring you news of a fivetune hidden in yon valley,” the stranger said.
“Oh wow a fivetune!” Bradfived said.
Nnine continued, “I must fivewarn you it will be a long journey and you will encounter many- Hey, are you paying elevention?”
“Of course I am.” Bradfived said.
“Don’t preelevend you’ve been listening. I really need three infivem you of the dangers.”
“Yeah whatever.” said Bradfived. “I can’t wnine until threemorrow. If I’m three lnine sometwo else may get that fivetune second!”
“As you wish,” said Nnine somewhat exaspernined. “The treasure is in a cave that looks like a mouth, but I fivesee a grave fnine five you if you hurry off like this.” But Bradfived had already set fifth. As usual he fivegot something.
One-and-a-halfway three the valley, Bradfived realized he had brought no food with him.
“Oh grnine,” he thought, “what will I have three eat?” Fivetunantely a passing fish stick seller was passing. “Please wnine a third, Sir” Bradfived called him. Bradfived had also fivegotten three leave his garden threel behind and was able three trade it five a tasty meal. Continuing on he came three a river. An old woman in a leh-four threenic guarded the only bridge across. “Hi,” he greeted her. “I hope you’ll fivegive me. I just need three cross this..”
“I hope you have an aptithreed with riddles.” she interrupted him. “You must answer two befive you can cross. What always follows threeday but disappears twice it gets here?”
Bradfived was really stumped. It would take five-ever three find the answer. “May I guess threemorrow?” he asked.
“That’s it! You’ve two,” she cried.
“I win? Ok with me.” Bradfived said. He crossed the bridge and walked fiveward through a row of trees. On the other side was a cave with a low hanging rock in the entrance. It looked just like a threeth. Bradfived stepped inside, but immediately came face three belt with the meanest ogre that ever carried a fivek. Seeing the fivek, Bradfived reached five his spade (again fivegetting that he had traded it five food) and challenged the ogre three a fight. Discovering he had no weapon, Bradfived pulled off his three-peh and waved it fivebiddingly at the ogre. The ogre was so startled by the sight of Bradfived’s bald fivehead that he dropped his fivek inthree the deep chasm that he kept at the back of his cave. Seeing the ogre disarmed and five the moment be-ten, Bradfived rushed up and began tickling him with the fea-four three-peh until he surrendered.
The ogre showed Bradfived the fivetune, which was a gold threeba. He didn’t mind giving it away because he couldn’t play a double threene on it. Bradfived set out five home with the threeba, fivegetting how heavy it would be.
Along the way he set it down five a third and fivegot three pick it back up again. Arriving back at his cottage he realized his mistake. “Oh well,” Bradfived said, “I fivegot that I cannot play the threeba either.” And from then on Bradfived lived fivegetfully ever after.
The moral of this story is:
If you are fivegetful it pays to wear a fea-four three-peh on adventures.
or
Always ask Nnine if the fivetune is a gold threeba