So in a truly genius move, the Aquabats made their first season into a long Möbius strip by connecting the cartoon to the live action via the last episode to the first episode. Here’s the order of events:
Starting with the backyard birthday party, the live action parts of season one happen in order. The Aquabats fight foes from ManAnt to Eagleclaw, to ghosts to Cobraman and Carl, until finally they face an enemy of epic proportions: Space Monster M. M hurls them into space at which point season one ends; all these events are still exclusively in the live action realm. Backtrack to the first cartoon segment of season one and we pick up where the battletram has just been hurled into space. We then follow all the cartoon segments of season one in order and see the Aquabats’ adventures in space (also directly in order) until the final cartoon segment in which a magic dagger sends them to the Time Sprinkler. The Time Sprinkler sends them back to the beginning of the “last year of your life” to start over. The time and place he sends them to is the birthday party from the very beginning of the live action segments of season one!

The first season could technically remain a stand-alone, self-contained loop if not for season two in which they are returned to earth in ambiguous fashion. So how many times did they loop and where did they escape? It’s hard to say for sure. In the cartoon finale when they meet the Time Sprinkler, Crash identifies him by name. This suggests it is not their first go around the loop. If they’ve already met the Time Sprinkler, this is the end of their second time living this particular year. The Time sprinkler sends them back for a third spin. We know they make it into space because it’s where they return from in season two. Because they seemingly have no way of returning to earth of their own volition, they must have had help. It’s possible after three times in this year they are reliving, Jimmy finally figured out how to use the magic dagger they obtain to send them directly home, instead of into the realm of the Time Sprinkler. Such a trip would certainly cause disorientation, memory loss and other weird temporal effects like the beards they sport in the season two opener. I might also add that it’s possible the cartoons they keep finding throughout season one are intended as a message from Jimmy to himself a la TNG’s Cause and Effect, so Jimmy can get them out of the endless loop.

So may I point out for the record (music joke!) that Weird Al Yankovic’s new album is masterful. Word Crimes is pretty much the pinnacle of awesome. I thought White and Nerdy was the best parody song I’d heard in my life, but Word Crimes pretty much blows it out of the water.

I wanted to meet mc lars. So I did. I drove to Vermont to see him perform. I ended up hanging around with him for maybe an hour before the show started. He just seems so full of love. He gave me hugs and high fives and kept saying everything was “joyful”. He seems like a splendid human being.

Previously on the Aquabats! Supershow!: Several of the clips are not from last time- the best is the lonely cactus out in the snow.

Somewhere…at a local neighborhood supermarket

(Shrieking people flee a grocery store)
MCBC: Alright Aquabats, I know there’s a lot of delicious food in here. Let’s not lose focus.
Jimmy: The creature was last seen in the produce section.
Ricky: Mm…fresh veggies.
MCBC: Ricky, don’t lose focus! (As an afterthought) Someone remind me to pick up some milk on the way out.
(They walk casually past an aisle with a giant bug devouring groceries. A second later, they all stop and backtrack.)
Crash: Do you think that’s the monster?
(It hears them and screeches. They duck behind some groceries out of its line of sight.)
MCBC: Yes Crash I think it is.
Jimmy: That’s a giant flea beetle. They used to eat the tomatoes in my mother’s garden. Something must have mutated it.
(The others laugh)
Eaglebones: Did you say mother? You don’t have a mother robot!
Jimmy: Actually-
MCBC: Eaglebones, flush him this way. Ricky, grab nets from aisle five. Jimmy, get your finger missiles ready.
Jimmy: Commander, the manager asked us to remove the creature but to do it without making a mess. Captain Turnip’s Grocery Island prides itself on its cleanliness.
Ricky and Crash: (singing) At Captain Turnip’s Grocery Island, we pride ourselves on cleanliness!
MCBC: Yeah I’ve seen those commercials. Let’s go! Ok Eaglebones is in position. Here we go!
(Eaglebones drives the monster at them. They attack and throw nets as the monster throws them around. Crash jumps on its back.)
Eaglebones: Move Crash!
(Crash is thrown clear and Eaglebones lasers the monster until it collapses. MCBC and Crash get a kick and a punch in as it falls.)
Ricky: We did it!
MCBC: Cleanup on aisle nine!
Grocer: (entering) What is this look at this mess! Don’t you know Captain Turnip’s Grocery Island prides itself on our cleanliness?! You destroyed the store!!
MCBC: Maybe. But we did get rid of that giant mutant beetle. Heh?
Grocer: Get out. You are no longer welcome in Captain Turnip’s Grocery Island.

(Walking out of the store.)
MCBC: I never liked that store anyway.
Crash: Yeah it’s way too clean.
Ricky: Wow where did that thing come from?
MCBC: Good question Ricky. Jimmy, figure it out!
Jimmy: I’ve located the DNA signature of the beetle’s tracks.
MCBC: Where do they lead?
Jimmy: Just outside of the town of Plainville to a local farming community. But that means they would lead back- home! (Jimmy looks pained and begins to run in the direction indicated by the tracks.)
Eaglebones: Jimmy wait!
MCBC: It’s too dangerous! Aquabats, to the battletram.

(Jimmy runs down the road while the battletram follows slowly.)
Eaglebones: Why don’t we just pick Jimmy up and drive him the rest of the way?
MCBC: Because Eaglebones, sometimes people and robots just need to run. (Learning and growing riff plays quietly in the background)

(They arrive at a farm with a giant apple sitting beside the barn. A pair of skeletons lie on the ground, smoke rising around them.)
Jimmy: Mother-!
Eaglebones: Mother?
Jimmy: I didn’t make it in time to save them!
Ricky: Maybe you shouldn’t’ave run the whole way. (pause) Just saying.
Jimmy’s Mom: James? Are my eyes playing tricks on me?
Jimmy: Mother! (They run to each other and embrace) I thought a giant bug roasted you!
Mom: A- a giant, a giant bug? No, fiddlesticks! No that’s just your father burning skeletons from his lab. He’s got so many! Oh- Ralph!
(Jimmy’s dad comes out of the barn with a pitchfork. He tosses another skeleton on the pile.)
Jimmy’s dad: Well well well. Mr too good for his own family has come home.
Jimmy: Hello father.
MCBC: (Inserting himself awkwardly) You must be Jimmy’s parents. We’re the Aquabats. We’re Jimmy’s friends. We play in a band together you know- rock and roll?
Mom: You’re very loud! Yes it’s wonderful to meet you. Won’t you stay and have lunch with us? I just baked a fresh apple pie.
MCBC: We love pie. Ok!
Mom: Ok. This way.
MCBC: Do you like boogie down productions?
Mom: You betcha.
MCBC: Yeah, they’re great.

(At lunch)
Eaglebones: So you’re really Jimmy’s parents?
Mom: Yes Dear.
Crash: Are you robots?
Dad: No we’re not robots. Are you dumb as a sack of apples?
Mom: Oh!
Dad: I’m a scientist and I built James to be a farmer.
Ricky: You built Jimmy?
Jimmy: Yes my father built me.
Ricky: Get out of the city!

(Story sequence)
Jimmy: Many years ago, as a young robot. My father is a brilliant scientist. He created me to help with chores around the apple farm. I spent every day picking apples. Cleaning apples. Coring apples. But I had bigger dreams. And I had to get out. So one day I told my mother I was leaving for the big city to finally do what I really wanted to do: to fight crime while playing the saxophone, in the park, on horseback! When I actually got there I realized things weren’t so easy. It was tough. I had to work nights as a dishwasher. One day I saw a wanted ad for a band seeking a robot who could play the saxophone. Perfect! Practice was going great until some ruffians broke in the tried to take our money. We laughed because we didn’t have any money. But that just made them more upset. So I launched a thousand finger missiles at them. And man, did that scare them away. And from that moment on, we decided to fight crime together- as a band.

Jimmy: And, we called ourselves the Aquabats.
The others: Yeah!
Mom: I always wondered what happened.
Dad: He never bothered to call us- He was too busy being a rock star.
Jimmy: You always tried to make me something I didn’t want to be.
Dad: I only wanted you to become a great man!
Jimmy: No. You wanted me stuck here working as one of your farm tools!
Mom: Who is ready for some apple pie?
(Crash stands MCBC seats him again)

MCBC: Well that’s quite an enormous apple you’ve got out there Mr Goodman.
Dad: Yeah, genetically altered, right off our own tree. After James left I couldn’t manage the work on the farm all by myself. So I invented a way to enlarge fruit, big enough to feed a whole town! Easier than having to harvest an entire orchard all by myself.
Jimmy: Would you drop it already? I’m not a farmer I never will be! When will you accept me for what I am? (He leaves)
Crash: Touchy.
Mom: You have driven our son away once before Ralph Goodman and I will be darned if I’m gonna let you do it again. Oh!
Ricky: Awkward.

Outside by the barn
Mom: James your pa doesn’t mean to hurt you. He loves you very much.
Jimmy: Well if that’s true he sure has a funny way of showing it.
Mom: I wanna show you something. Come with me. Come on. (They go into the lab in the barn)
Jimmy: I know Dad has a lot of skeletons.
Mom: No, not that James.
Jimmy: You mean this cartoon?
Mom: It’s a cartoon?

Bat Cartoon:
Tennis attacks!

Mom: No, not that either. This. (She points to a wall of articles about the Aquabats exploits)
Jimmy: I’m deeply moved.
Mom: We’re so proud of everything you’ve done to save the world. He’s so proud.

(Inside the house)
MCBC: Mr Goodman!
Dad: Aw, you don’t have to yell, I can hear you!
MCBC: Oh… Well. Did you happen to see any large bugs around here lately.
Dad: Bugs?
(The ground begins to shake. We see those inside and outside the house reacting to it. Then a giant worm pops out of the large apple near the barn and swallows Jimmy’s mom, taking her underground. Everyone else rushes outside.)
Jimmy: Mother!
Dad: MARTHAAAA!!
(The worm pops up behind them and they run willy nilly in panic. Ricky climbs a ladder. Bones jumps into a truck bed. Crash and MCBC make for the battletram.
MCBC: What was that thing?
Jimmy: There must have been a worm in that apple you enlarged.
Dad: Thus enlarging and mutating the worm as well.
(Ricky steps down tentatively. The worm appears again to threaten him.)
Ricky: Commander come pick me up!
MCBC: Hang tight Ricky. (He revs the engine intending to start the battletram, but this attracts the worm)
Jimmy: Commander- turn off the engine.
Dad: Quick let’s distract it.
(They beat on the barn creating noise. The worm forces them to the barn’s second level.)
Dad: We got to save your mother son. Without her I got nothing.
Jimmy: No dad you’ll always have me.
Friends! The worm must register seismic activity, which is how it knows where we all are.
Crash: Seisma-whaty?
Jimmy: It can feel our vibrations. We don’t have much time. We have to lure the worm out of the ground with loud noises.
MCBC: Like loud music!
Jimmy: Exactly. Let’s just hope my mother’s still alive!

Faux-Mercial: Dirt clod!!!

Jimmy: Aquabats, my father’s activating the subsonic woofer that’ll send seismic waves into the ground, forcing the creature to the surface.
MCBC: And then we can blow it up!
Jimmy: No Commander, my mother’s in there.
MCBC: Oh yeah. Your mom.
Jimmy: You’ve gotta play music to keep the creature from going under again. That’s when I open the worm and get my momma out. Aquabats are you ready?
All: Ready!
Eaglebones: It’s going under. Aquabats hit it!
(They sing a song -Open the worm. Dad readies a shotgun but Jimmy stops him)
Jimmy: No dad we can’t risk hurting Mother. Keep playing Aquabats. Mother!!
(Jimmy calculates where she should be a uses a laser to split the worm.)
Jimmy: Mother! Mother are you alright?
Mom: Oh James!
Dad: Martha!!
Mom: Oh James that worm done had me!
Dad: Martha! James, you did it son. You saved your mother. You are the man I always hoped you’d be.
MCBC: Sometimes it takes cutting open a giant disgusting slimy worm to bring a family close together. (Learning and growing) Now Aquabats, let’s go.
Dad: Go Jimmy. Do what you were made to do. Go save the world!
(The battletram drives away, dragging an amp that accidentally never got put away)

Previously on the Aquabats Super Show:
Among the ‘incorrects’ a woman in green jumps into the air and Eaglebones engages a larger-than-life-size hand in a box.

Somewhere… at a summer camp

(We see campers at Camp Radventures participating in a series of camp activities: battle canoes, giant eyeball soccer, laser guitar, and drum fighting. They all gather at a pavilion with a flag.)
Camp Counselor Jewel: (blows a whistle) Alright AquaCadets, gather round. I just wanna say how stoked I am on all y’all right now! Seriously, with the exception of the pudding pants debacle on tent twelve, I can easily say that this is the best AquaCadets summer camp ever! I just know that the Aquabats themselves would be so proud of y’all- if they were actually here. Which they are!
(The Aquabats come out)
MCBC: Thank you AquaCadets. It’s super rad to be back here at AquaCadet Summer Camp. Now let’s hear it for our camp counselor, Jewel. (the kids cheer extra loud) Ok. Don’t have to hear it that much. Now everyone stand and join us in singing the AquaCadet Anthem.
(Camp song ensues)
MCBC: Yeah hahaha. Now let’s go check out some of the awesome stuff you guys learned. AquaCadets-
Jewel: Let’s go!

(Montage of kids imitating Aquabats’ abilities one at a time and needing pointers from the actual Aquabats)

MCBC: Before we get started do any of you fine young cadet homies have any questions for the ol’ Bat Commander?
Chauncey: Yes uh Commander can you tell us how you started the Aquabats?
MCBC: I’m glad you asked, Chauncey. It’s a tale as old as pinball games. We all came from a tiny island somewhere deep in the south Pacific called Aquabania. It was a beautiful paradise hidden away from the rest of the world. We surfed all day; we ate food all night. And when there was no food, we ate sand.
Chauncey: You ate sand?
MCBC: We ate sand. Then one dark day out of the sky a force from outer space invaded our little island home. About eight or nine of us escaped, and we vowed that day to return again- with help. The journey was harsh and not all of us made it. We washed up on a strange beach and a kindly professor took us in. He nursed us back to health, made us shiny blue uniforms, and gave us special chemicals to enhance our natural ability and strength. Ricky was given super speed. Crash was given giant power. Eaglebones was gifted with a special laser shooting guitar. And Jimmy was turned into a human cyborg. The Professor was amazing-
Chauncey: Commander, what special powers did you get?
MCBC: Dude, mind your own business! (Chauncey looks crestfallen) Anyway, the Professor then gave us a mission.
Professor: To become a rock’n’roll band! Drums, guitar, keyboard, bass…and uhhh (the Professor fishes a microphone out of what appears to be a garbage can and hands it to the Commander). His final gift was his greatest creation.
Professor: I give to you- the battletram!
(They all get very round faces like tiny excited children as they see the shiny twinkly battletram. They hop in and drive off a cliff labeled ‘fiscal bluffs’ for some reason)
MCBC: And that’s how we became the Aquabats. Alright. Now let’s find a volunteer to receive my chupacabra judo flip. Uh, Danny Blembaugh come on up. Danny?
Jewel: Ohh oh he had to go home, he had terrible taste…in fashion.
MCBC: Fine. Then I guess I’ll just have to demonstrate on you camp counselor Jewel.
Jewel: I’d be happy to Commander.
MCBC: Now cadets pay close attention. The trick is to shift all your weight-
(Jewel cuts him off by judo flipping him)
Jewel: And that’s how you do a judo flip! (Noticing the sunset) Alright cadets, time for dinner and bedtime. Choose and snooze!
Kids: Choose and snooze!
MCBC: Choose and snooze…

(We see kids sleeping in bunks in one of the tents. A beast resembling Bigfoot tears tent to shreds as the kids scream in terror. Inside the battletram, the Aquabats ready for bedtime.)
MCBC: I mean seriously who does camp counselor Jewel think she is anyway?
Eaglebones: Is it because she Judo flipped you in front of all those cadets, Commander?
MCBC: No. Maybe. Be quiet. This is the Aquabats summer Camp, not camp Jewel. She undermines our authority here. And besides, there’s something suspicious about her. I think she’s hiding something. I mean who wears sweaters in the middle of the summertime?
Crash: I think camp counselor Jewel’s great.
Ricky: Yeah. Jewel rules. She’s confident, upbeat and encouraging. Don’t fake the funk Commander.
MCBC: I don’t know what you mean by that Ricky. But if you all love camp counselor Jewel so much- why don’t ya marry her!
(Three kids rush in)
Kids: Aquabats!
MCBC: What is it little lookalike homies?
Clash: Bobby Freshness and Stevie Roboterson are gone!

(They all examine the ruined tent)
MCBC: What kinda camp is counselor Jewel running, where little dudes get taken out of their baby bunks in the middle of the night?
Eaglebones: Technically it’s our camp. This did happen on our watch.
Crash: He’s right. We really let those cadets down.
MCBC: Well, welcome to camp crazy town! Am I the only one seeing things clearly here? This is not our fault!
(Outside the beast can be heard growling. The entire camp rouses in fear at the noise. The beast appears and they all scream, including Jimmy, Eaglebones, Crash, and Ricky. Eaglebones actually jumps into Jimmy’s arms.)
Clash McJones: Save us camp counselor Jewel. Getting emotional!!
MCBC: You don’t need her help! You got the Aquabats right here. (The entire camp and the other four bats respond with more screaming) Fine! This is my camp and I’m gonna protect it. Everyone, to the battletram. (As they run for cover, he shoots flames at the beast and drives it off.) Yeah! That’s right. Where’s your camp counselor Jewel now?
(He stakes out the roof of the battletram all night, keeping watch with the flame gun. He even shoots at the fox at one point. Around dawn he sees the beast…turning back into Jewel!)
MCBC: What the WAAA?!?

FauxMercial: At Captain Turnip’s Grocery Island, we pride ourselves on cleanliness.

(The ‘Bats, Cadets and Jewel in the battletram.)
MCBC: And then she turned into Bigfoot.
Jimmy: Commander, there’s no such thing as Bigfoot.
MCBC: I’m telling you she changes into some kind of Bigfoot thing at night. I saw her change back into a human when the sun came up.
Jewel: That’s ridiculous Commander. This job is my life. Well…at least three weeks out of the year every other summer ((if I don’t get a better job!))
Ricky: I’m convinced.
MCBC: Oh fine. If you guys wanna sit around and wait for her to rip your heads off- be my guests! But we still have to look for those missing cadets.
Chauncey: But what about that Bigfoot monster?
MCBC: It’s sitting right here, so you’re perfectly safe. She can even come with us if she wants to.
Jewel: I’d be happy to.
MCBC: Alright then. Aquabats, Aquabat, babies; to the spooky woods!

(They all search along the trail)
MCBC: You guys can stop being so nervous; we’re not gonna run into any monster- she’s right here! (he runs into her) Very funny.
Eaglebones: My eagle vision can’t find any sign of the creature.
Jay Sparrowhawk: Let me use my sparrow vision. (she dons goggles) Look, monster tracks! And they lead straight to that cave.
Eaglebones: Nice work cadet Sparrowhawk.
(Inside the cave they find several cadets in chains using pickaxes on cave walls covered with gems)
The three lookalike cadets: Bobby! Stevie!
Bobby and Stevie: Aquabats!
(Jimmy lasers their chains off)
Eaglebones: Are you guys ok? Can you tell us what happened?
Bobby: This huge hairy monster grabbed us out of our bunks and forced us to mine jewels to make those. (he points to some jewel encrusted sweaters)
MCBC: Haha see! The sweater! It looks exactly like camp counselor Jewel’s.
Jimmy: Commander, just because they’re both covered in gems does not automatically mean that counselor is some kind of monster. These are very popular jewels.
Crash: Yeah check out my shorts.
Eaglebones: And don’t forget my new grill.
MCBC: Aw jeez, how long are you guys gonna defend this lady? She is the monster!
Jewel: The important thing is that we get these cadets to safety.
Jimmy: Great idea camp counselor Jewel. Kids, let’s go!
(MCBC kicks the cave wall in frustration and notices-)
MCBC: A cartoon!

Bat Cartoon:
TV dinner!

(As they walk back)
Crash: Bat commander ate his burrito. Then the ghost ate him. And then he got all covered in goo.
Ricky: I remember that.
Jewel: Commander I, I just wanted to say that I’m- I’m sorry.
MCBC: For what? Ruining everything in the whole world ever? Making me look like a fool in front of my friends?
Jewel: Yeah kinda. But mostly I wanna apologize for for-
MCBC: For what? Spit it out.
Jewel: For this: were-ape!
(He screams as she changes into the monster. The others turn to see what the noise is about.)
Were-ape Jewel: I am a were-ape!
All: A were-ape?
Were-ape Jewel: A were-ape!
All: A Were-ape!!
(They begin to attack her one at a time. Were-ape Jewel throws Jimmy aside)
Eaglebones: I summon the- (Were-ape Jewel drops Eaglebones by hitting him over the head)
Crash: How could you lie to us like that camp counselor Jewel? Getting emotional!! (Were-ape Jewel gives Crash some kind of Vulcan/Bigfoot neck pinch?) I’m not emotional…
(Were-ape Jewel punches him in the stomach, then tosses Ricky aside by hitting him with a log. The lookalike cadets and MCBC run back toward camp as it gets dark)
MCBC: Alright cadets, looks like you all just got promoted.
Chauncey: But what can we do? Camp counselor Jewel’s our hero.
MCBC: Well then it’s time to get a new hero. Bobby Freshness, go and collect all the rope you can find and bring it back here as fast as you can.
Bobby: But I can’t!
MCBC: You can- Aquabat.
Bobby: I’m on it!
MCBC: Clash McJones, throw that boulder straight up in the air as high as you can.
Clash: But that’s Crash’s boulder, there’s no way I can-!
MCBC: You’re the Crash now Clash.
Clash: I’m Clash McJones!
MCBC: Stevie Roboterson, calculate the velocity of that falling boulder and carry the two.
Stevie: 64 miles an hour, straight down.
MCBC: Now tell Jay Sparrowhawk when to fire.
Stevie: Wait for it.
Chauncey: What about me?
MCBC: Chauncey, I want you to get on my shoulders. Cuz’ that would just be awesome.
Stevie: Wait for it.
MCBC: Come and get us you big hairy grizzle burger!
(Chauncey blows the bugle)
Stevie: Now!
(Jay fires and the boulder lands on Were-Ape Jewel’s head. Bobby ties her up with rope.)
All: Yeah!
Eaglebones: Commander! Cadets! You did it! You captured the were-ape!
Ricky: I knew you wouldn’t fake the funk!
Jimmy: Sorry we didn’t believe you Commander. You were right all along.
MCBC: It just goes to show you: always be wary of people who are way into putting jewels on their sweaters. They can transform into hideous freaks and rampage at summer camps.
(Learning and growing moment)
(From the woods another hairy creature emerges)
MCBC: Is that?
Jimmy: Yes commander. It’s Bigfoot.
Eaglebone: (confused/repulsed) They want to be together?
Ricky: That’s adorable.
Were-ape Jewel: Oh yeah. He’s my boyfriend. We’re not using the love word yet ((but I think he’s the one!))

Saw a kickass Ben Folds concert. He had an orchestra. Here’s the setlist:

Effington
Smoke
Jesusland
Picture Window
Concerto for piano and orchestra, 2nd and 3rd movements
Landed
(Story about waltzes)
Fred Jones Part 2
Steven’s Last Night in Town
(Break)
Zak and Sara
Cologne
Rockin This Bitch- Canandaigua!
Still Fighting It
(Pretended to start Bitches Ain’t Shit)
(Pretended to start Brick)
The Luckiest
(Speech about orchestras)
(Pretended to start Bitches Ain’t Shit)
Not The Same
Encore w/orchestra:
One Angry Dwarf
Solo Encore:
Army
Rockin’ the Suburbs

So so fun. Actually several of the members of the orchestra had dinner a table across from us at a restaurant beforehand.

Things hurt me and I hate those things. I have dreams in which I witness tragic scenes and try to avert sadness. Am I successful? I can’t tell. Sadness tries to follow me and I can’t save myself. But maybe if I can save others it will mean something. I’d like to mean something.

Previously on the Aquabats! Supershow!: There’s very little material that doesn’t belong. Though I don’t remember that laser ghost from last time…

Somewhere…in the universe?

(We see the battletram has crash-landed somewhere very white and sandy. The Aquabats have grown long beards and moustaches.)
MCBC: Alright Aquabats, this strange planet may be hostile, so be on your toes and look out for… tacos?
Eaglebones: What happened to us? My menory’s all fuzzy.
MCBC: You know what else is fuzzy Eagleban? Lit-tle baby birdies. We have to be careful.
(A ship flies nearby and shoots at them.)
Eaglebones: Commander we’ve gotta get the other guys to safety. Come on!
MCBC: Do your worst baby birdies! This monkey’s going to heaven!
(The ship continues shooting at them. Eaglebones gets Ricky and Jimmy to shelter next to the crashed ‘tram. MCBC starts licking the sand.)
Eaglebones: Commander get Crash!
MCBC: I can’t. There’s something wrong with this dirt. It’s delicious.
(The ship lands and two aliens begin shooting at them from on foot.)
Eaglebones: Crash. Crash! Wake up! (He slaps Crash to try to bring him around.) The Commander’s gone batty. He’s got some kind of space madness.
(The aliens concentrate on MCBC, zapping him.)
MCBC: Ah! Eaglebuns! Help me!
(Eaglebones returns fire with his guitar. Two government jets arrive.)
Blue Alien: (subtitled) Boo. Their military is here. We had better take off.
Red Alien: (subtitled) Aw man. I wanted to eat the fat one.
Blue Alien: (subtitled) Which fat one?
Both: (subtitled) Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
(The aliens leave as government vans show up.)
Eaglebones: What the-
Government Man: (to his wrist) Yessir. Yessir we’ve got em’. The Aquabats are back.
MCBC: Happy birthday! (He collapses)

FauxMercial: sonic boom 3000

(The Aquabats are clean shaven, seated at a press conference. Cameras flash, reporters shout their names)
Blonde Guy Reporter: Aquabats. What was it like being thrown into outer space?
Ricky and Crash: We were in outer space?
Cross-eyed Reporter: How does it feel being responsible for saving the world?
Ricky and Crash: We saved the world?
Female Reporter: Jimmy the Robot!
Ricky and Crash: Jimmy’s a Robot?
MCBC: People with microphones! Please excuse us a moment.
(They huddle)
Eaglebones: Does anyone know what’s going on?
MCBC: I know exactly what’s going on Eaglejones. Those dolphins disguised as reporters are trying to trick us.
Eaglebones: (sighs heavily) Does anyone else know what’s going on? Can you guys remember anything?
Crash: Uhhhh. I like ice cream.
Ricky: Crash does like ice cream.
Jimmy: I remember- I remember- I remember- I remember-
(MCBC slaps him to stop the skipping)
Jimmy: Thank you Commander. I remember, nothing unfortunately.
Maybe we can trick those reporters into giving us some answers about what’s going on.
MCBC: Good plan Jimmy. Now, let’s ride a tiger down the River Euphrates!
Eaglebones: Oh boy… Break!
(They sit back down)
Eaglebones: We will now take your questions.
Female Reporter: Crash! How did it feel to save the world like that?
Crash: Uuummm. Can you please be more, specific?
Female Reporter: Of course! How did it feel to save the world from Space Monster M’s giant robot body by wrestling him and stealing his magic headband and then being hurled into space for an undetermined amount of time?
Crash: …I like ice cream?
Bearded ice cream fanatic: Yeah!!! Ice cream. (Jumping up and down) Woohoo! Ice cream! Ice cream! Ice cream!
(The government agents signal one another then have him dragged off.)
Eaglebones: Www,what I think Crash is trying to say is- it feels awesome to be back on earth!
Blonde Guy Reporter: I think the question the world really wants to know is; how did you all become the Aquabats?
MCBC: Well my dolphin friend, I was swimming in the Caribbean. Animals were hiding behind the rocks. Yeah. Except for little fish.
Eaglebones: Whoa whoa whoa, what the Commander means is; it was about ten years ago when we all first met.

(A cartoon flashback ensues with Eaglebones narrating)
Eaglebones narrator: For most of my life I’ve wandered this wide world searching for answers. One day I came to a crossroads.
Old man: Traveler! If you follow the road east you will become the greatest guitar player of all time. Fame and riches beyond your wildest dreams await you there.
Eaglebones narrator: So I went west.
Eaglebones: You’re not the boss of me!
Eaglebones narrator: I came upon a small roadhouse for land pirates and mutants. I heard a terrible noise coming from inside. I decided to check it out. There was this band playing inside. (The other four Aquabats) They were horrible. They wore these ridiculous costumes. And worst of all, they had horns. But still it was like nothing I’d ever seen, so I stayed to watch.
MCBC: We’d like to thank everybody for coming out to see us tonite. (A bottle is thrown at him) Right back atcha homie!
Eaglebones narrator: It wasn’t going over too well for those guys. That’s when I noticed something. They needed a guitar player! (Eaglebones fends off the would-be attackers with his laser guitar) I had to keep moving on. But the band came after me.
MCBC: Hey, wandering dude-man. You should end your days of wandering and become a full time Aquabat. It would be so good.
Eaglebones: Only on one condition. We must spend the next fifteen years wandering in obscurity, traveling the highways and byways of the land looking to right wrongs, fight evil, and protect the innocent.
MCBC: Um, ok.
Eaglebones: But if we ever become famous or make money, I’m out. And seriously guys? Lose the horns.
MCBC: You’ve got yourself a deal.
Eaglebones narrator: Things seemed to work out pretty well from then on.

(Back to live action)
Eaglebones: And that’s how we became the Aquabats!
(A huge tentacley monster wearing a blue shirt breaks through the wall, snarling)
Government agent: Ok. That concludes the press conference for today.
(Everyone panics and screams en masse)
Monster: Hey Aquabats, I have a question for you. How’s it gonna feel when I rip your head off?
Crash: Well actually,
MCBC: Careful Crash. This could be a trick question.
Monster: How do you like me now Aquabats? Am I even more beautiful than the night we met?
Ricky: Who is this dude?
Eaglebones: This dude…The Dude. I SUMMON THE DUUUDE!! (Short Dude sequence) Dude use your mystic power to fix my memory. (He sees a montage of last season, ending in an image of Ronmark.) Ronmark!
Ronmonster: That’s right Skinny! And I am awesome! (He tosses the nearest Aquabat, Jimmy, aside.)
Crash: Jimmy!!!
Ronmonster: Aquabats! Can I get an autograph? Will you sign this giant beam with your faces?
MCBC: Aquabats, let’s get out of here!
(They run outside)
Ronmonster: Oh no you don’t!
Crash: Where’s the battletram?
Ricky: Don’t worry guys I’m on it! (He whistles) Taxi!
(Two government agents rush to the taxi and take it before the Aquabats can)
MCBC: Hey! What are you dolphin dudes doing?
Government Guy: What are you doing? You’re the heroes now. Get back in there and stop that monster.
(Ronmonster swings at them with an I beam)
Ronmonster: You made me Aquabats, and now I’m gonna make you- into soup!
(The Aquabats run again.)
Eaglebones: (suddenly stopping with outstretched arms, he clotheslines the others) Stop! Guys, why are we running? We can take ’em if we work together. You heard those reporters. We saved the world.
MCBC: We may have saved the world Eaglephone, but this I know- His teeth as white as snow. What a gas it was to see him, walking every-
Eaglebones: Enough Commander! You’ve got some kinda space dementia. You better snap out of it if we’re gonna save the day.
Crash: How can we save the day? I don’t even remember saving the world.
Eaglebones: Well I do, Crash. And you- you were awesome. You grew a hundred feet tall and beat up a giant robot with your bare hands.
Crash: I don’t remember growing a hundred feet tall.
Eaglebones: I think I can jog your memory. You stay here. Ricky, Jimmy, help me distract Ronmark.
Ricky: You got it!
(Runs over and immediately begins fighting Ronmonster.)
Eaglebones: Hey Ronmark!
(Ronmonster tosses Eaglebones and Jimmy at the Bat Commander.)
Crash: You better not have hurt my friends!
Ronmonster: Or what? You’ll cry me to death you big baby-man?
Eaglebones: (unscrewing Jimmy’s head) Crash look- Jimmy the Robot- he’s broken.
Crash: Jimmy! NO!
Jimmy: Technically, Crash, I’m-
Eaglebones: (quietly to Jimmy) Shut up!
Crash: Getting emotional!
(Crash grows and scoops up Ronmonster)
Crash: You broke my friend!
(He throws Ronmonster, who apologizes profusely even as he’s being hurled into the air)
Eaglebones: (screwing Jimmy’s head back on) You did it Crash!
Jimmy: Good work Crash.
Crash: Jimmy! You’re all better! (He shrinks)
Jimmy: Actually Crash, I do feel a lot better. Great plan, Eaglebones.
MCBC: Eaglebones, what happened?
Eaglebones: Commander, you said my name right! Are you feeling better?
MCBC: I think so.
Ricky: No talking crazy?
MCBC: You’re talking crazy homeboy. Now Aquabats let’s-
(He stops, noticing a crowd has gathered.)
Oldish Lady: You’re the Aquabats. You’re those superheroes.
Cafe man: Yeah you guys just totally threw that monster mutant beast into outer space.
MCBC: Yes citizen homies. We are the Aquabats.
(The crowd cheers)
Oldish Lady: That’s great. ‘Cause we’ve got some ruffians in our neighborhood that need to be thrown into outer space too!
Eaglebones: We’re on it.
Hairy guy: Yeah and my dog got stole. And I need your help to find him.
Eaglebones: We can do it!
Cafe man: And my boss is a jerk! I need to make more money, yo?
Eaglebones: We’ll help you. We’ll help all of you!
MCBC: Whoa whoa slow down Eaglebones. We got to figure out a few things first and find the battletram, remember?
(The crowd begins shouting their disappointment. They look ready to rampage.)
Hairy guy: No way. We need help! You owe us. We need your help now!
Ricky: Guys, let’s get outta here!
MCBC: Aquabats. Let’s go!

(The Aquabats run away comically and sing: Help me help me! Finally they hide in an alley, keeping very still and quiet.)
Crash: I think they’re gone
Eaglebones: I’m telling you guys we can help all those people. We can be Their HEROES!! (the crowd hears him and turns on them, zombie-like) Oh no.

Bat Cartoon: Lil Bat dreams of snowboarding

Eaglebones: (as crowd closes in) So I was wrong. Maybe we can’t help all these people.
MCBC: Jimmy, electron pulse!
Jimmy: Coming right up Commander.
(Jimmy zaps the crowd back a few feet, clearing a path for their escape)
Ricky: This way!

(Once they lose the crowd again…)
MCBC: These disguises should keep us safe until we find the battletram.
(Jimmy is dressed as a lady, MCBC and Bones are in a horse costume, and Crash and Ricky are a tall man in a trenchcoat)
Ricky: Yeah. Your costume looks good Commander.
MCBC: Thanks bro. Now quietly. Through the crowd.
(They begin to filter through the crowd)
MCBC: Easy we’re doing it..
Man in green: I need a refill.
Eaglebones: (popping out of his costume to help) Sure I got that for ya pal!
Hairy guy: It’s them!
MCBC: Run!
Ricky: It’s the battletram!
MCBC: Aquabats. Get aboard that tricked-out battletram!
(They get aboard, Eaglebones giving the crowd one last look)
MCBC: Hey check this out. (reading) Dear Aquabats: I hope you don’t mind that I had the battletram all fixed up for you. First I wanted to thank you for saving the world and that if you ever need help, I will be there. Signed, a secret friend.
The others: A secret friend?
Ricky: He must have a lot of money. Look at this thing. It’s like, brand-new!
Eaglebones: Kinda like us, huh Commander? The Aquabats are brand-new too. We’re superheroes who save the world now. But…maybe not every other tiny little thing.
MCBC: It’s true Eaglebones. Saving the world is a big responsibility. That hopefully someone else will pay for.
(Learning and growing moment)
Jimmy: Wow look at this new button. I wonder what it does.
(He pushes it and the battletram sprouts fin-like wings and jets, and takes off into the air. The guys all cheer as the ‘tram rockets across the sky)
Hairy guy: (from the ground) Awesome.
(The aliens from before spot the flying battletram)
Blue alien: (subtitled) Hey wait a minute.
Red alien: (subtitled) What is it?
Blue alien: (subtitled) Isn’t that those fat blue guys?
Red alien: (subtitled) Yep. Let’s go eat em!
Jimmy: (Sees the aliens and, realizing they are already in another adventure, turns to camera in a fourth wall break) Here we go again!

For my birthday this year I got several presents. I was given an amazing pair of socks with blue and green stripes and individual toes- perfect for my individual toes shoes!

I also got a splendid new video of some short works by Buster Keaton. He is my very favo silent film actor. I love the athleticism and daring of the good old no-effects days. It impresses me how much they were able to achieve without the magic of computers. One film in particular, called The Playhouse, employs multiple separate exposures of different sides of the same strand of film to allow Buster to act alongside himself! In one sequence they managed to expose the film nine times without ghosting anything. So freakin genius.

During my birthday week I got to drive in a mini-rainbow. Whenever I drive my orange car, if I see a nice shiny red car ahead I always hope we can drive together for a long time. I imagine how nice it would be if we were followed by a yellow car, then a green car, then a blue car and hopefully to finish, a purple car. Last week this partly came true. Imagine my delight at driving directly behind a red car and suddenly seeing a yellow car on the road! And it moved into my lane behind me. Oh yes sweet rainbow yes! I had a nice afternoon after that.

The rain game is a game I played once with a mess of campers at Drama Camp. You can play it if you have a big enough crowd of people who can follow simple directions. You set the people up (seated) so that you can point to them either one at a time, or in a circle or by rows- it doesn’t matter as long as you have an order in which to cue them. You will need to repeat the cues several times as they change. The cues will be for the following actions: snapping fingers, clapping hands, slapping knees, stomping feet. You should explain beforehand the actions you will need and the approximate order in which you plan on cuing them. The easiest way to elicit these responses for the actual game is to do it yourself facing the very first person then point down the line slowly. So, once the crowd understands, you start cuing. First make the crowd snap, one at a time. Once they are all snapping, start over at the beginning and cue them to clap. Once they are all clapping, cue knee slaps. Once they are all doing knee slaps, cue stomps. Then once they are all stomping, cue knee slaps. Follow by cuing claps, then snaps, then finally cue them one at a time to silence. The effect is like a rainstorm building and then tapering off. When I did this for the campers I got spontaneous applause at the end. So it’s a pretty cool game.

I have a little orange car. My cute little sunshine drop of car makes me happy. I like parking it next to other orange cars. It’s particularly fun to park next to other orange cars of the same make. This has happened exactly once so far and when I came out to get my car, the other one was gone. I hope the other car owner was either confused or laughed. Or both.

I like to talk about antigenic variance. Antigenic variance (or variation) is how the flu is able to continue to evade our bodies’ defenses although we have already had the flu. Microbes invading us have identifying surface proteins which the human body can remember. If we catch a second round of microbes with the same surface proteins, the body destroys them immediately and we never get sick. Vaccines often use just those surface proteins to ‘prewarn’ the body of what intruders look like. It’s like showing our body the outfit the virus wears. This is also the reason it’s impossible to catch an illness from a vaccine that is made this way. The body can’t get sick if it’s only exposed to an empty shell with no actual virus inside. For the flu vaccine to work, it’s developers must guess each year what the virus will be wearing. It’s like a weird gross fashion show. What will the flu be wearing this season?