Yup, I’ve become an aunt. Jessica had her baby and she is the cutest little thing you ever saw. We got an email this morning with baby pictures and measurements. Her name is Caroline and she’s 6 pounds 7oz. Now I can have her as my desktop background instead of an internet baby I don’t know. Dan put her in the address book so we can keep her birthday.

me- AWWWW! So cute!
Dan- Cute as a button?
me- She’s cute as TWO buttons.
Dan- That can be her employment place. Cute as Two Buttons Inc.

Dan and I watch the final couple of scenes of the Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. We get to the part where Gandalf appears at first light on the hill. For a minute you think he’s alone, then an army follows him.

Dan- It’s Magneto!
me- ..with an army. And if that doesn’t work- Jean Gray!

The television version seems to be different than the one I remember so we pop in the DVD and watch the scenes a second time extended. After the finale I go back into the menu and start scrolling around.

Dan- You’re going in to watch the credits with commentary aren’t you?
me- No…. well yes. I love the commentary.

Billy Boyd and Dominic Monaghan give my favorite parts of the commentary for the whole movie. Among some of their funnier comments:

(a scene shows a huge army we are far away from)
“And that entire army is played by ants, and they agreed to have two of their legs removed for this part. Just shows, you know, the dedication they had.”

(one of them tries to think of the word bystanders)
“Standers- standers-by? Standbyers? Standbyees?”
“Um?”
“Bystanders!”

(credit rolls for Elijah Wood)
Dunno who that joker was.

(credit rolls for Hugo Weaving)
Hugo Weaving- the Matrix!

* * * * *

Joe and I have lunch together and on the menu are exotic vegetable chips called Terra Chips. We examine the packaging to find out the different vegetables involved in chipification.
me- Yucca, sweet potato, parsnip, taro- those are the ones with the purple lines on them.
Joe- And you know what happens if those purple lines form letters.
me- (clueless) What? What are you talking about?
Joe- We could have a taro reading!

* * * * *

Sitting around the house, Dan notices I am looking at him.
Dan- Are you undressing me with your eyes again?
me- Actually I was putting clothes back on you with my eyes.

This is an exchange from my new favorite show, Sifl and Olly, which apparently ran on MTV while I wasn’t paying attention. It is terribly funny and random, which is how I like em’. The name of this skit is Breakfast Serial. Each letter is to be read out loud using outrageous accents. The first one is wimpy sounding, second one sounds lordly, third one kinda bored businessman, and fourth one sounds like a teenager.

Dear Bacon,
I write to inform you that you are being sued again for breaking our agreement. Once again, on the breakfast of Sept 5 you clearly took up most of your plate. I try to remind myself that with being a pork product you can’t help being such a pig. Again I understand you’re longer than me, but this bully attitude of yours must stop.
From,
Egg

Dear Egg,
Bring it on, you yellow-hearted, greasy mucousy bastard! I’ll do what I want and your noise don’t scare me. I’ll try to remind myself that because you’re a poultry product you can’t help being such a chicken. This plate ain’t big enough for the both of us.
Piss off!
Bacon

Dear Egg and Bacon,
I write you regrettably to complain. I realize there has been a lot of stress at the plate lately but this childish behavior must stop. Regarding the September 5th breakfast you once again embarrassed me in front of orange juice. After our lengthy discussion I though that the two of you would at least consider my feelings.
Sorry,
Toast

Dear Egg Bacon and Toast,
I wish that you old timers would just shut the hell up and be a healthy breakfast like the rest of us.
Freaks!
Cereal

Walking in a department store the other day an unusually brief message came over the loudspeaker. It went “Shoes please. Shoes.” That’s it. Not “customer needs assistance in-” or “price check on-“. A couple of minutes later they said it again so I know it wasn’t a mistake…hm.

I hate the holiday commercial for Enzyte. It is a product for making male stuff bigger and it always features a smiley guy named Bob. He’s dressed up as Santa and all these women are lined up to sit on his lap. Guess why. The part that really irks me is his wife standing near him grinning. HEL-LO? Why is she smiling when all these other women are going to sit on his lap?! I’d be so pissed off. You know why they all want to, what makes his wife condone this? UH! So stupid.

I found the Garfield and Friends episode I’ve been searching for about Wyoming. According to them it’s a little known fact that there is no Wyoming. I mean, think about it, have you ever met anyone from Wyoming? Long ago when Arbuckle Vespucci was designing the united states he found there was a small space left over with no state to fill it. Rather than rearrange the whole thing, he asked his cat for advice. The cat cleverly came to the rescue by writing in the space “Wyoming”, an old Italian word for ‘no state here’. And that’s the story of Wyoming.

So it’s been as long as that since I posted. And it is the last day in February. Does it bother you that February is spelled funny and that it has so few days? Well me either! There’s still a lot I want to post her but I am conflicted for time between this and yeahmyfoot.com, which has been my favorite to work on recently and requires quite a bit of time. Someday I’ll become pregnant and have kids and you’ll never hear from me again….. or not. I guess we’ll find out.

Sometimes when I read through my spam mail I answer the subject lines out loud before deleting them. Some examples:

Want a new or used car?
no thanks I have one

Someone wants to date you
yeah I know, but I’m married already

webcam? where did you go?
I didn’t go anywhere and quit calling me webcam.

Third attempt- Your check is waiting
Yeah well it’s gonna have to be bored.

RE; this could be what you have been waiting for
but I doubt it

Mortgage rates are falling
watch out!

Thought this was worth recording. We have a ton of jobs to address in our new/old house. We need to get a light fixed and also fix some issues with the level of the ground around the house. Far in the future we would also like to make the upstairs a liveable space. I had this brief IM conversation with Dan about it:

me: should I call the lectrician?
me: and a landshapishian?
dan: and maybe a lefinishtheupstairsologist
me: lol

Yesterday I cleaned all the floors and sawed a door that was catching on the uneven kitchen floor. I rock. Later I’ll make a spice cabinet and some sawhorses.

Moved into the new old house. Life is just a blast and I listen to Ben Folds nonstop these days. Maybe Laura was right about the Venus Flytrap. You can look but don’t touch. Poke around too much and they clam up, now you’ll never get in there now. In other news, I am struggling to do something with the yeahmyfoot site. I feel like a slug when I don’t update for so long. I really do enjoy the videos but they take forever to do properly. Especially since I’ve gotten so picky about my work. Well, we’ll see if I can get one out by Halloween or thereabouts. That’s all for now.

This one is on top. I will fill it up later.

Suddenly it’s fixed. Like my friend is out-of-the-blue no longer mad. Don’t know why or what happened. Maybe it was just time that did it. Now I am not hanging on the edge of despondency. Is that a word? Well I feel better but that was too hard. Many appreciations for Jay who tried to make me smile the past few days while I was feeling sad. Jay is the bomb.