Really what I should say is straightforward. Because what I meant to get into before is what the hell is romance?
Because what the hell is it, right??
I feel I should first mention the common answers before I immediately throw them out.
Roses, wine, diamonds, dinner- are these things romance? It just doesn’t seem like random collection of things with cultural significance as sweet or special should have EVER done it for me. Still I have enjoyed a nice rose, knowing both it’s a pretty flower to hold and look at, and it’s a symbol of effort towards affection.
So maybe romance is about the effort. At the beginning of a relationship it’s all like “what do girls like?” “what do guys like?” and the answer is so much easier. Get her something she likes. Not something girls like.
I’m very drawn to thinking it’s the affection part that makes it romance. But it’s more than that. Liking being with someone is sort of different from enjoying it when someone is happy. And it can be absolutely thrilling to see the one you love happy.
When people say “this is romantic” I think maybe they really mean, “this makes me feel extremely noticed and special, by one I love.” For me the word romance has undergone a change similar to the word love. When you are small and have never experienced romance or love, you have to guess what it feels like. Then when it happens you still have to guess that it has. There’s no one particular thing that tells you you’ve finally found it.
I don’t remember the moment I knew for sure that I’d experienced love- but I remember romance. I remember thinking this, THIS is romantic! I don’t know why I can suddenly detect it, but I have found it! And I think the components must be a strong sense of what the other person likes and how to give it to them, combined with knowledge of why it’s being given. When the gestures of love truly convey a depth of meaning from one person to another, that is romance. It is by nature an individualized thing, not any stock answer. This is why it is so hard to grasp then. And why you only get it once you get it.