Somewhere, inside the battletram…
(The Aquabats set up their instruments)
MCBC: Alright Aquabats, we have a show next week and we need to rehearse. I think we can all agree that AquaKing sounds fine but we still need to work on Ghost Mobster. Ok Ricky, count us off! Ricky? Hey where’s Ricky?
Crash: He said something about going to the basement to look for fairies.
MCBC: Fairies?
Jimmy: Basement?
Crash: Yeah, because the super factual energy is there.
MCBC: Eaglebones, is there something you want to tell us?
Eaglebones: Why do you just automatically assume I have something to do with this?
MCBC: Crash, did Ricky say where he got this idea to look for fairies?
Crash: No. (Pause, thinks) But he did say Bones told him where to find the super energy.
Jimmy: Crash, the battletram doesn’t even have a basement.
Crash: I’m telling you guys he SAID he was going to the basement to look for fairies.
(Cut to them outside lowering themselves down to ground level to peer under the battletram)
MCBC: See Crash? No basement!
Crash: Oh yeah? Well where’s Ricky then?
(They walk back inside the battletram)
Eaglebones: Look, all I told him was that supernatural energy collects in places like basements. I didn’t tell him to look for fairies and I certainly didn’t tell him we have a- whoah!
(The group stops to stare at a new door marked ‘basement’)
Jimmy: I’m getting unusual readings from that door, including an energy spike.
Crash: I told you! Super fractal-
Eaglebones: Supernatural. (They all look at him) And again why do you guys assume this is something I did?
MCBC: Because Eaglebones, you’ve been holding out on us regarding magical stuff. Yeah. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the invisible bird you have. That thing helped you win at twister last week!
Eaglebones: Seriously?
MCBC: You can’t fool me. No one can balance that long on their own!
Eaglebones: I told you The Dude was real from the start!
MCBC: And I’ve seen you looking for fairies. And I know a leprechaun ate the rest of the chocolate cake I was saving.
Crash: No actually that was me…
MCBC: Need I say more?
Eaglebones: Unbelievable.
Jimmy: Regardless of where that door came from we should still check it out. Ricky could be in trouble in there.
MCBC: Or I was thinking we should check it out because Ricky could be in trouble down there.
Jimmy: Uh yeah, great idea Commander.
(The group opens the door and heads down the stairs into the basement.)
MCBC: Ricky?
Ricky (voice): Guys I’m up here!
(They ascend and now find themselves outside next to a boardwalk at the beach)
Ricky: Guys over here!
Jimmy: (scanning) Readings are- normal… What is this place?
Ricky: And what happened to the battletram?
(A commotion is heard in the direction of the beach. A moment later, people run past the Aquabats, shrieking. The Aquabats try to question them)
MCBC: Hey what’s all the-? Excuse me-? Stop I just need-?
Crash: (planting himself in front of one runner) What is going ON!??
Runner: A BIRD!!!
(The Aquabats look perplexed for a second before bursting into laughter.)
Ricky: Who’s afraid of a bird?
MCBC: Yeah, like a bird could do that much damage!
Eaglebones: Ha ha, hey, wait…
(A young kid in the crowd turns and looks at the Aquabats like he knows them, and is just remembering)
Young kid: Look! These dudes are dressed like the Bataquas. They’ll know where to find them!
Woman Red Curly Hair: Have you cadets seen the Bataquas?
MCBC: Cadets? No my homies, we are the Aquabats. We’re here to-
Red Curly: (shouting) Hey, they’re not BataquaCadets! They’re just a bunch of weirdos wearing blue.
(The rest of the crowd groans and disperses.)
Jimmy: What was that about?
(A loud screech rings through the air, causing the Aquabats to tense. Five women clad in blue rush up to the Aquabats)
Batwing Superpunk: Move aside cadets, we’ll handle this!
MCBC: Wha- Who are you?
Batwing Superpunk: We are- THE BATAQUAS!
(Bataquas Theme song follows:
Melody similar to the Guy Stuff song, music video-wise nearly identical to the Aquabats opening theme with each of them getting a shout out- “Featuring: Batwing Superpunk (Superpunk!) HQ BatSong (HQ!) Raquel Swift (Raquel!) Chill Nessa (Nessa!) and JennyBot (Jenny!)
Ricky: These ladies are real superheroes!
Crash: Just like us!
MCBC: Yeah- just, like, us…
Jimmy: But how come we’ve never heard of you?
Superpunk: How come we’ve never heard of you? Who are you anyway?
MCBC: We, are the Aquabats.
Superpunk: Nice to meetcha! Now we’ve got a bird to defeat. Bataquas, rev up!
(The Bataquas jog over towards the direction of the screech. The Aquabats follow, MCBC follows slowly)
(At the edge of the water a giant bird pecks at the sand. The superheroes crouch in two groups behind some rocks. Ricky is with the Bataquas staring at Raquel)
JennyBot: Superpunk, I thought birds weren’t real.
Superpunk: I dunno, that one looks pretty real to me.
Raquel: How are we going to beat it?
(While the Bataquas plan, MCBC addresses the Aquabats)
MCBC: Alright Aquabats we need some answers.
Eaglebones: For the last time, I had nothing to do with-
MCBC: Yeah yeah that’s great Eaglebones. Jimmy, could you use you robot brain to figure out where these loser wannabes came from?
Jimmy: You mean the Bataquas?
MCBC: They stole our bit! Those copycats are trying to be like us without having to go through the hard work of being a cadet.
Crash: You mean like we did?
Jimmy: Shouldn’t we figure out where we are first?
Eaglebones: Yeah this place is weird. You heard Batwing Superpunk, she thinks birds aren’t real. Something seems fishy.
(Meanwhile the Bataquas continue to discuss the situation)
Superpunk: HQ, do you think you can use your batsong to drive it away?
HQ: It won’t be strong enough unless I can get close to it.
Ricky: Crash can lift you up there. He can grow huge!
(Crash hears his name and looks over, interested)
Superpunk: Well it looks like you folks are in the right place at just the right time!
Raquel: I can run distraction. Maybe if I wave my arms that beast will look at me.
Crash: (joining the group) Birds eat bugs. We can distract it with- those! (He points to several beach umbrellas that look like ladybugs. Raquel runs over in a blur and grabs an umbrella)
Ricky: I’ll help too! (He does the same)
Superpunk: Great idea big guy, Crash was it?
Crash: That’s me.
Superpunk: Excellent. Now I’ll need you to grow taller and hoist Batsong up to near that thing’s ears.
Crash: I can do that!
Superpunk: Raquel, and-
Ricky: It’s Ricky.
Superpunk: and Ricky, get into position.
Both: You got it Superpunk!
Superpunk: (to Crash) Now, what’s your trick for activating your super height?
Crash: You just have to tell me something I won’t like.
Superpunk: Uh, ok. You’re weird and you have a stupid-looking haircut?
(Back to MCBC and just Jimmy and Bones)
MCBC: We’ve just got to remember who the real superheroes are here.
(As he says this the Bataquas plus Ricky and Crash put their plan into motion, and drive off the giant bird.)
All: (cheering) Yeah! Woohoo! Alright!
Superpunk: You fellas are alright! Come on, let’s go back to the Hypertrolley and celebrate.
(At the Hypertrolley/Battletram analog the two groups mingle except MCBC who pouts visibly.)
Superpunk: (motioning at MCBC) So what’s his problem?
Crash: Aw, he doesn’t like anyone upstaging him. It’s probly mostly because you guys wear the same outfits as we do. He thinks you’re trying to steal his moves or something.
Superpunk: Yeah that’s weird right? I mean I came up with these costumes myself. I should be accusing him of stealing our moves.
Eaglebones: Guys, guys, JennyBot and I figured out where the giant bird came from.
JennyBot: I’ve got a book from our library that names today’s date as very high on the supernatural index.
Eaglebones: And it also says portals might open up to other realities.
JennyBot: Which would explain where a mythic creature like that bird came from.
Crash: Or a dragon?
Superpunk: Dragons are real, Crash. Man, where you been?
Ricky: What?
(They are interrupted by a beeping)
Nessa: What’s that?
JennyBot: A dowser. It can lead us to the portal the bird came from.
MCBC: Well come on then, I know portals!
(Both leaders simultaneously)
MCBC: Aquabats lets go!
Superpunk: Bataquas rev up!
(The two leaders eye each other for a second before everyone rushes out after JennyBot.)
(Outside the group follows the dowser to the source of the portal- The same door the Aquabats emerged from after the basement incident.)
Raquel: It’s just a basement.
Ricky: (running up the steps) The BATTLETRAM!
Superpunk: What the nonsense? Where ARE we?
Eaglebones: (snaps fingers) Of course! We passed through a portal ourselves. That’s why everything seemed weird. We crossed into a parallel reality.
Jimmy: But that would mean that the Bataquas are actually…us?
(Mirror shot of both groups facing each other in similar poses)
Fauxmercial: Batsong Microphone- sing like a bat!
Superpunk: Now hang on. You mean to tell me you have birds-
Crash: Yeah!
Superpunk: giant birds in your reality?
MCBC: Well no.
Ricky: We have birds, but just the small kind.
Nessa: (smacks her forehead) Oh and you guys don’t have dragons!
All: (laughing) Right!
JennyBot: But if the giant bird didn’t come from your reality…
Jimmy: There must still be another portal out there!
MCBC: Better get that dowser thingy back out, Jenny. We need to find that portal and get that bird back into the reality it came from!
Superpunk: If we’re doing this we do it together. I’m not trying to take your job and you’re not trying to steal mine. If I know me, I know you. Together we are the most capable pair of superhero leaders our Worlds HAVE EVER KNOWN! So, Commander, are you in?
(She puts her hand out flat to start a ‘hands all in’ cheer. MCBC pauses then places his hand on top)
MCBC: Ok!
(The other eight follow suite)
Superpunk and MCBC: Ok team
Superpunk: let’s go!
MCBC: rev up!
(Song as they dowse for and check portals: Gotta Get Me Home/ Dragons Baby! They wind up back at the beach)
Ricky: (peering through a portal) Guys this is it!
Eaglebones: That bird is probably still someplace nearby.
(Loud screech)
MCBC: I think you’re right Eaglebones.
Superpunk: Huddle up, I have an idea, but we have to work together.
(The others all nod. They gather and confer in whispers)
Superpunk: Ok everyone get ready. BatSong, Jimmy, you’re up.
(From one side, HQ BatSong sings into a megaphone provided by Jimmy. The bird backs away from the noise)
MCBC: Now the net! Go!
(Ricky, Raquel and Bones fence the bird on the other side with a large net manufactured by JennyBot. The bird retreats toward the portal.)
Superpunk: Nessa, Crash it’s up to you!
Nessa on Crash’s shoulders: (calming herself to activate her power) Ok peace on earth, chill out.
(She baits the large bird which lunges at her just before she goes insubstantive- it passes through her and Crash and through the portal.)
JennyBot: (closes portal with the dowser) That should just about do it.
Superpunk: Well I’ll be sad to see you go, Aquabats. But, if you’re ever in this reality again, look us up.
MCBC: We’ll be sure to do that, SP, because friends from different realities-
SP: -make awesome teammates!
(Jingle: Just Learned Something New!)
Ricky: Do we really have to go Commander? I never found any fairies.
SP: What? There’s always a few down at the snack bar. They love snow cones.
Ricky: (looks pleadingly at MCBC)
MCBC: Oh alright, let’s all go get snow cones.
Ricky: Yes!!!
Extended Bataquas Theme Song plays during the credits.
*The Bataquas attributes and who they should be portrayed by:
Chill Nessa (power of insubstantivity for her and anything she touches when calm) played by someone gorgeous and slightly awkward like Laura Prepon or Emma Stone
HQ BatSong (power of sonar) Needs to be played by an awesome blonde singer. I’m thinkin Meghan Trainor.
Raquel Swift (power of speed) Noel Wells if possible
JennyBot (robot) small and cute with dark intense eyes: either Janelle Monae, Jenna Coleman or Parminder Nagra
Batwing Superpunk (nothing!) Needs a dominating personally: Chandra Wilson