Previously on the Aquabats! Supershow!: We are looking at about 50% actual footage from last time. I like the one of Ricky imprisoned inside a crystal.
Somewhere at a desert campsite…
(The Aquabats are set up to play from inside a tent in the desert)
Dude in an “I am awesome” T-shirt: Alright, here she comes guys. You ready?
All the ‘bats: Yeah…
T-shirt: Just watch for my signal and then start playing our song. After that she’ll totally take me back, and we’ll grow old together and raise goats.
Ricky: But we get paid before the goat stuff right?
T-shirt: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah, just play real good ok? (He steps fully outside as a car drives up)
T-shirt’s Ex: Alright Ronmark, I’m here now what is this all about?
Ronmark: Zalga babe! You look great! Thanks for coming out.
MCBC: (whispering inside the tent) Their names are Ronmark and Zalga? Where are these people from- Mars?
Zalga: Wait. Why is that tent here? I’m not getting into that tent with you again.
Ronmark: Naw babe, ya got it all wrong- it’s nothing like that! Naw, I got something real special planned for us. Yeah I think your uh, (shouting) really gonna like it!
(The Aquabats are all giggling so hard they don’t notice the signal)
Zalga: Well?
Ronmark: Uh, I said, I think you’re really gonna like it!!
MCBC: (still making fun of their names) Oh yes Zalga can you hand me the vorbulux computron matrix? Affirmative Ronmark.
(A shooting star streaks across the sky)
Zalga: O-h Ronmark.
Crash: Hey, was that Marky-Mark’s signal?
Zalga: It’s beautiful. How did you ever pull this off?
Ronmark: Uhhh. I know a guy. Yeah. Like a meteor guy.
Zalga: Aw, you really do care. We never should have broken up.
Ronmark: (Aside) Yes. (To Zalga) Alright babe just gimme one second, ok?
Zalga: Ok.
Ronmark: Stay cute forever!
MCBC: This is it boys. Let’s make it good; we could really use the money.
Ricky : 1!2!3!4!
Ronmark: (putting his head into the tent) Thanks guys. Turns out I won’t need your services. You can split.
MCBC: Wait what?
Ricky: We still get paid though right?
Ronmark: Paid? No way. You didn’t play one note!
Eaglebones: But we’ve been standing in this tent for like, eight hours!
Ronmark: Yeah it’s pretty lame, huh? Didn’t you guys used to be like popular or something? Ouch!
MCBC: Why I oughta! (He lunges at Ronmark but the other ‘bats hold him back.)
Ronmark: Can’t get me! Ouch!
(Back outside) Right babe let’s get out of here.
Zalga: Yeah! (They drive away)
(Off in the desert we see the meteorite has landed nearby. It breaks apart and sprays a cactus with liquid. The cactus mutates into a monster with multiple eyes.)
(Driving away in the battletram,)
Eaglebones: I can’t believe we waited in that tent all night, and that guy still totally stiffed us!
Ricky: What a jerk.
Crash: Yeah. Who names their kid Denmark anyways?
MCBC: We’ve got to find another way to make some cash. Jimmy, can you use your robot brain to think of some stuff?
Jimmy: Uh sure Commander. I think I can handle that.
MCBC: Fantastic. Then think of some new ways to make us some more dolla-dolla bills.
Jimmy: We could check out that meteor we saw last night. Science will pay top dollar for an intact meteorite.
MCBC: Yes. Thank you science. To the impact crater!
(They arrive and MCBC starts poking at the space rock)
MCBC: Alright. Let’s check out this astrometeortoid! Ooh. I bet this thing’s full of science!
Eaglebones: Commander. I wouldn’t do that if I were you.
MCBC: (He pokes it and gets meteor liquid on his finger.) Hey this kinda tickles. (Suddenly he begins to scream as his arm swells and protrudes tentacles) Jimmy, what’s wrong with me!?
Jimmy: It’s some kind space infection. This futuristic clamp will keep it from spreading to the rest of your body.
MCBC: Oh who are we kidding, just cut it off already! I can take it. I can take it!!
Jimmy: We need to get you aboard! Ricky, the meteorite!
Ricky: Right!
(Eaglebones spots a trail leading from the impact crater. He ponders it for a moment, then follows the others. Ricky grabs an oven mitt and uses it to bring the meteorite with them.)
(Ronmark and Zalga watch the sun rise in her car.)
Zalga: That was a beautiful sunrise.
Ronmark: Yeah babe. And we can watch sunrises every morning with our goats.
Zalga: Goats? Did you just say goats?
Ronmark: Yeah. I mean that’s the plan right? We grow old together and raise goats.
Zalga: Ronmark, I HATE goats. Your last girlfriend BLANDY liked goats. I always said that we’d grow old and write books together.
Ronmark: Books? Uh, no thanks. Uh-uh.
Zalga: I’ve had it Ronmark. It’s over. Again!
(At that moment, the Cactus Monster appears and kidnaps Zalga, carrying her away. Both Zalga and Ronmark shriek appropriately.)
Ronmark: Blandy!! I mean ZALGA!!
(Back on board the battletram,)
MCBC: Jimmy!!!
Jimmy: Commander, for the last time I am not going to cut your arm off.
MCBC: (moaning) Awwww…
Jimmy: (scanning the meteorite) That’s strange.
MCBC: What is it robot? A cut off my arm alert?
Jimmy: No, it’s a cartoon.
It’s a cartoon:
Narrator: Last time the shrunken Aquabats rebooted Jimmy’s brain while he dodged wormholes in the battletram. Now our heroes must get out of Jimmy’s head before they grow back to normal size.
Automated Shuttle Voice: 5, 4, 3, 2,
MCBC: Jimmy it’s now or never!!!
(Jimmy shoots them out of his nose)
Narrator: Robo nose blow!
MCBC: (mashing the eject button) Eject!
Narrator: Back to normal size!
Crash: (finding the tiny shuttle crushed underneath them) Aw man!
MCBC: It’s ok, Crash. We’ll probably never need that again.
Narrator: (the space worm slams into them again) Oh yeah, THAT guy. (He bites another hole in spacetime) That sucks- literally. The battletram hurtles through time and space!
Jimmy: Thanks for saving me friends, and even though we just got sucked into a giant wormhole and the odds are we’ll never make it out, I love you all so much.
MCBC: Jimmy, let’s hug later. We need to get out of here like now!
Jimmy: If my calculations are correct, the only way out is the way in.
MCBC: Whatever that means, do it!
Narrator: Jimmy fires up the thrusters and- (they drive straight into the spaceworm’s mouth)
MCBC: What now Jimmy?
Jimmy: We have to go out uhhh the back, way…
The other four: Ewww, nasty. (Jimmy floors it, and we see the worm make a surprised face. The battletram appears again in normal space with the wormhole behind it.)
Narrator: The Aquabats are propelled from the space worm.
Jimmy: Look! A planet. We can land there and repair the battletram.
‘Bats: Yeah! Alright, let’s go!
Narrator: Can the Aquabats survive crash-landing on another planet? Is that too much like the first episode? Man I’m getting all self conscious. Tune in to find out!
(Back to the battletram)
MCBC: Crash- old friend, good buddy- you’ll do it won’t ya? You’ll saw off your commander’s arm, won’t ya? It’s the right thing to do.
Crash: (nodding reluctantly) Ok. Why do I have to do everything around here?
Jimmy: Crash! (Jimmy tries to stop Crash, but doesn’t have to, the arm defends itself, pushing Crash away.) Commander what are you doing?
MCBC: It’s not me Jimmy! This thing’s got a mind of it’s own. It’s like it’s trying to protect itself or something. (He and Crash repeatedly punch the arm. The rest of the scene and episode is punctuated by punches against the arm.) I told ya we shoulda cut it off!
Eaglebones: (radio voice) Jimmy, Commander, come in. Do you copy?
Jimmy: (to Crash) Do NOT cut his arm off. (to radio) Go ahead Eaglebones.
Eaglebones: Picking up something on the radar. It’s. It’s- It’s, it’s, it’s (sigh) it’s Ronmark.
MCBC and Crash: Ronmark?!
Jimmy: Oh, man.
MCBC: Do not pull over for that clown bag.
Jimmy: Commander, the Aquabats have a moral obligation to help people in need. Even clown bags.
MCBC: Ok fine. Let him in.
Ronmark: Remember me? Yes? Stop! Hello! (He climbs onboard)
Bat Cartoon: Pogo stick, what’s a pogo stick?
(Cactus Monster carries the no-longer-shrieking Zalga across the desert)
Zalga: Ow ow ow. Could we please stop these needles really hurt. Jeez thank you. (CM puts her down but then keeps touching her) Ow. Jeez ow wow wow wow! (CM tears a chunk of her hair out) Do you like, LIKE like me or something? (Zalga walks away, CM follows)
(On the battletram, everyone is in the media room. Commander is strapped to a table, ostensibly so his arm won’t become a problem. Ronmark has been given a blanket. Eaglebones hands him a glass of water.)
Ronmark: (sincere) Thank you. (He takes a sip, then looks bratty and annoyed.) Uh, don’t you guys have sparkling water? Eww.
Ricky: Just tell us what happened already!
Ronmark: It was horrible. It was like a cactus and Bigfoot had a baby together. It came out of nowhere and took my Zalga. She was my- she was my ride home, you know?
MCBC: Well as much as I hate helping you Rondork, we can’t just let some cactus monster run off with an innocent girl. No matter how weird her name is.
Ricky: But how do we find it?
Eaglebones: Well I did see some mysterious tracks leading away from the meteorite’s impact crater. It must have mutated a cactus just like it mutated the Commander’s arm.
Jimmy: And I could use science to track it.
MCBC: Yes, more science. Aquabats, let’s go.
(Cactus Monster dances for Zalga.)
Zalga: That’s a really great dance and everything, but I’m kinda starving.
(Cactus Monster brings snacks that are mainly snakes full of cactus needles.)
Zalga: Oh my barf…
(Battletram pulls up)
MCBC: Ricky the girl. (Slaps him) Oh, sorry.
(Ricky runs to Zalga, scoops her up and runs to the battletram. The cactus shoots a spine at him. He trips but tosses Zalga over to Crash)
Crash: Hi, I’m Crash. (Sets her down and steps in front of her protectively)
Ronmark: (from inside the battletram) Oh, that big dude better not make a move on my girl.
Jimmy: Please shut up.
(Eaglebones shoots the Cactus Monster with guitar lasers and it shoots back, jamming spines into the guitar)
MCBC: Alright prickly. It’s you and me. (Slaps himself counterproductively) Jimmy? Missiles please.
(Cactus Monster deflects the missiles, then launches exploding flowers at them.)
Jimmy: Aquabats, back to the battletram. We need to regroup!
Faux-Mercial: SCABS! 100% Fruit chews.
(Cactus Monster is outside attacking the battletram, making it rock from side to side)
Zalga: (as he’s sneaking his arm around her) Oh don’t even try it Ronmark! I said it was over and I meant it.
Ronmark: But babe!
(MCBC slaps Ronmark)
MCBC: Sorry. I can’t control this thing. Its- got a mind of its own.
Zalga: That cactus thing’s not gonna stop. I think it’s kind of in love with me.
Ronmark: So you love this cactus freak now?
(MCBC slaps him again with the other arm)
MCBC: Mind of its own.
Ronmark: But that was your normal arm!
Jimmy: Everyone please listen. There’s only one way we’re gonna defeat that creature out there: by doing science!
All seven: Science!
(They play with chemicals and circuitry while singing Doin’ Science. Several Aquabats injure themselves during the course of the song. I guess that’s what you get for singing around hazardous chemicals! Read the sign guys…)
Crash: (to Cactus Monster) Hey. Is this your rock? Then go get it!
Ricky: (holding a glass test tube) Have some science cactus thing!
Zalga: Stop!
Ronmark: I knew it. You totally love him. (At this remark, MCBC ‘accidentally’ slaps Ronmark, followed by Jimmy who also slaps Ronnark.)
Zalga: That cactus monster has paid more attention to me than you ever did Ronmark. That’s why, I should be the one- to destroy it! (She throws down the test tube, creating a fog that returns the cactus to normal)
MCBC: You really blew it Ronjon. That girl rules. HahaHaha. Loser! Outta my way pipsqueak!
(Aboard the battletram heading to their next adventure,)
Eaglebones: It sure was nice of Zalga to pay us the money Ronmark promised.
MCBC: You said it Eaglebones. It’s payday for the Aquabats. And you all know what that means!
Eaglebones: New guitar strings!
MCBC: Uh uh.
Ricky: Wheat grass shooters!
MCBC: No.
Crash: Rocket powered hot dog!
Jimmy: Uh, shouldn’t we pay someone to have your arm fixed?
MCBC: Nope! I got a fatty gold ring with ma’ name on it. Spent all the money too. Look at all them diamonds! It’s awesome, with them bling bling. Boo Ya!
(Zalga has strapped the cactus to her car and is preparing to leave.)
Ronmark: Come on Zalga baby, give me another chance. Think of the goats! I mean books! Aw, baby don’t get in car, come on. Don’t get in the seat! Stop it! No. Do not put that key in the ignition. You DID! What did I do to deserve this? I’ve been nothing but good to you! Name one thing I did wrong to you!! (She leaves) What’s that stupid rock? (The scene ends with Ronmark getting sprayed in the face with meteorite liquid.)