Basic Assumptions
Dan and I talk about this from time to time. Basic assumptions are the things in a person’s head that they know are true. They are not necessarily the same from person to person although they can be. A basic assumption is something one uses to build more complex opinions for any given topic. It is something embedded so deep in someone that they may not know it is different in other people. It seems so obvious there is no need to discuss it. When two people have different basic assumptions about a thing, they may have trouble understanding each other’s viewpoint and reasons for that viewpoint. It’s important to know that basic assumptions exist so you can understand why you might not be getting to the same conclusions as someone else. You might end up having to disagree, but you will at least know that the person is not suffering from stupidity or flawed logic, just different basic assumptions.
Emotional/Intellectual Projection (my own term)
The way I use these words is not exactly the classic definition of them. What I mean is the way people tend to assume others are thinking, feeling, reacting to things in the same way they themselves would. It isn’t a strict rule, everyone is a little different. I believe it happens to everyone to some extent, because your basis for knowing what another person is experiencing starts with what you experience. There are degrees to which you could essentially ‘guess’ what another person is going through. When I was younger I did a lot more projecting. I used to see someone sitting alone for lunch and imagine they were very lonely for company. Because I would be lonely for company. Now I know that some people just don’t want to be bothered, or just plain enjoy time alone. Of course that example is very simplistic; there are much more complicated things you could be projecting about. But before I could understand that I had to know in my head that what applies to me doesn’t apply to everyone. I’m still workin on it, so someday maybe I’ll be good at it.
Do unto others favors,
I recently came across the assumption that doing one something for a person means they will automatically do a single something for you. And as a corollary the number of times you do something for a person should be returned in roughly the same number of times. I found this highly weird. Not because I think people shouldn’t do things for each other. I found it weird because I was confronted with such an expectation of it in such a numerically definite way. I’m not sure what to make of it.
(BTW, we are talking outside the realm of close friendship here- this happened with an acquaintance about acquaintances, friendship is probably another topic)
Anyways, adding to my confusion, the word Christian was tossed into this discussion as well. I’m pretty sure Christian teaching makes it clear that you need to do good without expectation of reward, and even if you in fact know you aren’t getting any reward. But maybe its the “knowing” part that’s the key to what I encountered. If you know someone is not going to do anything in return, you can be ok with it. But if you incorrectly “knew” that someone would reward you and they didn’t, you may end up annoyed. You may even feel like you have to re-categorize them as a person. They are not what you thought they were; they didn’t follow the favor-for-favor formula. Is it that important? I guess I just don’t understand.